you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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