How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
