i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
