Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
