so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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