Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
