Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
