He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
