There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
