Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
