just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
then he tried to convert me to islam
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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