i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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