Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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