I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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