I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
