butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
