I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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