You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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