he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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