omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
