new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
