Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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