You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
