Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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