i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
