I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
