Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
