Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
