I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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