i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
