My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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