So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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