I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
