I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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