There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
