My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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