Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She bit a glass in half.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
