fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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