i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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