My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
