Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize