Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
