I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
