this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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