dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
