Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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