he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's never too late to be topless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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