my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
