Swine flu. Run for my life!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
