brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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