have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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