just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They have beer where we have blood.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
