She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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