you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
