Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
