They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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