Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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