you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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