Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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