I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
