If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
