He felt like a one man threesome
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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