yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
