so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
