It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
