capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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