So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
