i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
