He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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