Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
