Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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