Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
