Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
