After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
