I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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