Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
