i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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