so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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