I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
