it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
