what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
