i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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