Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
