I looked at my own cervix.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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